My confession

I've been contemplating writing about this for awhile. For the past couple of years I've been struggling with my weight. I start with a simple diet and working out, but it wouldn't last long. Something would go wrong, and I would resort to my old eating habits. And even though I would be disappointed with myself, I still chose to do nothing about it. A few months would go by and I would try once again a lifestyle change that would, as always, end in failure. After being on diet after diet I decided to seek help and advice.

I started my endless search on the internet. Looking for tips on what works best and what doesn't, I decided to keep a private log to observe and reflect on my eating habits. After about a month of this I discovered a hard truth that I had a hard time admitting until a couple of weeks ago: I have an eating disorder.

Even thinking about it, it doesn't quite sink in, and I there are times when I try to deny the awful truth, but I have come to a point in my life where I need to stop hiding from the truth and just admit to my flaws so that I may feel better about myself. All the signs are there.

--I use food for comfort.
--Even when I'm not hungry I still chose to eat
--When I'm eating, I keep eating until all my food is gone, even if I feel full.
--After eating a huge amount of food, I feel disgusted and upset with myself about my eating habits
--I wake up the next day thinking that today is going to be the day that I make a change, but it never happens.

I'm constantly repeating this vicious cycle, lowering my self esteem and self image more everyday.

Well no more. I'm not exactly sure what brought on the need for me to eat all the time. I could make up all sorts of excuses, "2010 was a hard year..." "...Finishing school was stressful" "...I broke up with my boyfriend after being together for 5 years" "...My best friend died in a car accident." Whatever the excuse may be, The truth is, having no self control is the real reason why I've been struggling.

So here's to a new lifestyle change. The beginning of what is going to be the hardest battle I've ever had to fight before. The start of something that I plan on finishing hard and strong!

Today is a new day!