It was the beginning of my senior year when I announced that I would have a new boy in my life. The warning signs were there that this wasn't a good choice but I went through the decision anyway. I started loosing friendships, I cut back on my social life, my relationship with my family was destroyed, but I was still determined to make things work. I graduate from high school, my senior year of hell was over and I start college. I move away from home with high hopes of succeeding, but long distance relationships never work out and do nothing but cause you pain and anxiety.
Another year goes by and I move back to my parents house. My past friendships are nothing but a distant memory. With a sense of frustration, I continue on with the path I chose and decide that it was for the best to stick with this "wonderful" boy who influenced me so much. The next thing to do is to move in together, into a place that I can't afford and am left on my own to pay for stuff. I don't realize that I'm on a path of destruction and instead ignore the fact that I'm by myself in this downward slope. Things get worse between me and him and in every effort to make things work, I isolate myself even more. I make excuses for things completely unreasonable and put the blame on myself. I give all I have left into the relationship, only to find out I'm pushing him away.
I should have seen the next thing coming- the breakup, move out and the "what the hell do I do now" feeling. It's during times like these you find out who your real friends are; who really cares about you. And even if they don't agree with everything you do, they still support you. They are still there for you when you need them. The shoulder to cry on, the advise giver, the listener. They agree with you, even if they don't want to, and laugh with you and tell you "I told you so" once you've discovered your mistake. They help you look at both sides of the story- good and bad and tell you things you don't want to hear. They have and always will love you.
Love... It's amazing that one little word can change the meaning of your life. Love can control your life and makes you do stupid things. Things you can't really explain and don't make sense to you, but you do them anyway. It consumes you and feel that this is how it should be, no matter what. It isn't until after that you realize just how life changing one little word can bring. And even after all that has happened, you still feel you can bring yourself to "love" again. Only this time, you hope to do things right.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
What is love?
I can honestly say that I love my life. I'm happy and wake up with a smile on my face everyday. I am with someone that makes me happy and is kind to me and takes care of me. I could go on all day listing all the things Tyrel has done that makes him so awesome but instead I will list 2 specific events in which made me wonder what the hell I was doing with such an asshole for 5 years.
Case 1:
I was leaving for vacation on the day it was time to pick up my paycheck. I needed the money before I left otherwise I wasn't going to be able to pay for my bills, but my check wasn't ready by the time I left. Because I was gone Tyrel took the time to go pick up my paycheck, go to the bank, and deposit it into my bank account. Without him, my bills and rent would have not have been paid on time. John would have never done that for me, or if he did there would have been a guilt trip involved.
Case 2:
There weren't very many times where John would do something nice for me without me saying anything, or asking for it. Me and Tyrel were riding in the car and then all of a sudden Tyrel pulls over to the side of the road, gets out of the car and says "I'll be right back." He runs across the street, bends over and picks up a flower. He brings it back and gives it to me saying that he thought I would like it. It was the nicest thing anyone has done for me. It was very sweet and I about cried.
There are other things he has done that show me that he is a good person and right for me, but those are the two that really stick out. He helps me remember to take me pills rather then give me grief for taking them, he comforts me when I need comfort, he is the sweetest and nicest guy I have ever met. I am so happy being with him and I think I'm falling for him
Case 1:
I was leaving for vacation on the day it was time to pick up my paycheck. I needed the money before I left otherwise I wasn't going to be able to pay for my bills, but my check wasn't ready by the time I left. Because I was gone Tyrel took the time to go pick up my paycheck, go to the bank, and deposit it into my bank account. Without him, my bills and rent would have not have been paid on time. John would have never done that for me, or if he did there would have been a guilt trip involved.
Case 2:
There weren't very many times where John would do something nice for me without me saying anything, or asking for it. Me and Tyrel were riding in the car and then all of a sudden Tyrel pulls over to the side of the road, gets out of the car and says "I'll be right back." He runs across the street, bends over and picks up a flower. He brings it back and gives it to me saying that he thought I would like it. It was the nicest thing anyone has done for me. It was very sweet and I about cried.
There are other things he has done that show me that he is a good person and right for me, but those are the two that really stick out. He helps me remember to take me pills rather then give me grief for taking them, he comforts me when I need comfort, he is the sweetest and nicest guy I have ever met. I am so happy being with him and I think I'm falling for him
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