One month update

I'm a little late writing this blog, but I finally have the time and energy to write something so here it goes:

This past month has flown by. My day pretty much consist of feeding, pumping and sleeping. And when I'm not sleeping I want to eat. When the girls were in the NICU they were on a 3 hour feeding schedule, so when they came home we decided to keep them on that schedule that way they can continue to gain weight. Most of the time we had to wake them up to eat, which still baffles me. I've always known babies who would let you know if they are hungry, and would wake up to eat, but preemies are a whole different story. They loved to be swaddled, being held, and sleeping close to mom and dad. They are small enough and don't really move around that much, so they currently sleep in the same crib. I originally had the crib up against the wall, but a couple of weeks ago we moved it against the bed because they weren't sleeping well at night. It allows me to be closer to them but don't have to worry about rolling on top of them. It has been working out really good and the girls are sleeping much better. They currently still like to sleep a lot and have started to wake up on their own when they are hungry, so they are now on their own feeding schedule, although we try not to have them go more then 4 hours.

When in the NICU I wanted to try breastfeeding, but as preemies they don't develop that sucking motion until much later. And whenever I breastfed they would be too exhausted to finish their bottles because breastfeeding used up too much of their energy. We have been giving them bottles of expressed breast milk, supplementing about tablespoons worth of formula. This formula is specially made for babies who are born prematurely, because it has extra calories in it so they can gain weight.  Now that they are home and considered full term (April 28th) I have started breastfeeding them. They get a little frustrated and I have to use a nipple shield, but they actually do really well. After a little bit they fall asleep on the breast and afterwards we offer a bottle because they still don't get much from the breast. I'm hoping eventually they will get it down so we don't have to worry about bottles, and I look forward to the day that I can feed at the same time. Feeding them one after another, and then pumping right afterwards, doesn't leave me much time for sleep. I'm so thankful for Tyrel who has been so supportive and even getting up at night to help feed them so I can get sleep. He really is such a good dad

Motherhood is amazing and everything I've ever wanted. And even with the sleepless night. I was definitely born to be a mother!

My NICU experience

While the girls are sleeping I wanted to share my experience with having my babies in the NICU. I will admit, that whole experience was something I don't wish anyone to ever experience. I remember waking up in the recovery room wondering where my babies were, then remembering that they were a floor down below me. While in the hospital I tried to go down and visit them as much as possible. They weren't able to breastfeed so that meant pumping every 3 hours to get my milk to come in. I went into labor and gave birth on Friday. Sunday came along and there was talk about being discharged. I didn't think I was ready, it had only been 2 days, and I especially wasn't ready because my babies were still in the NICU which meant I wasn't able to take them home yet. I cried. I remember thinking how unfair it was. I gave birth to two beautiful babies and they were sending me home without them. I was mad, emotional, upset. My whole world just collapsed on me. Tyrel just held me, while I cried, trying as hard as he could to make me feel better. I was told that I could stay with my babies in the NICU for as long as I wanted too, but that wasn't good enough. I wanted to take them home with me. After a good cry, I settled myself down and moved all my stuff down to the room where my girls were, where I continued to stay there with them

While there, the nurses were amazing. Knew what they were doing and were very supportive of me staying there. I wanted to be involved in all of the diaper changes and feedings, because I felt that was my job as mother. They had the girls on a feeding schedule of every 3 hours. It seemed weird having to wake a baby up to eat. As far as I knew, if a baby was hungry they would wake up. Even though I was exhausted and not getting any sleep I still chose to do everything. All while I was pumping after each feeding. The hardest thing for me was seeing my babies, all hooked up with wires. Then there jaundice levels went up which meant they had to be under a lamp; that also cut down on the time I was allowed to hold them. Ivy had to be given a feeding tube because she wouldn't eat. I was happy to see that Tayla was doing well, took a bottle really well. I was still feeling emotional, and it was about a week when Tyrel made the suggestion I should come home and sleep in my own bed. As much as I didn't want to leave my babies I knew it was the right thing to do. I cried. I didn't want to leave my babies and felt like a horrible mom leaving them in the hospital, but I knew they were going to get taken care of. I came home, took a shower, and started to feel better. After my shower I decided I wanted to take my nail polish off my nails because it started chipping. Without thinking I sat on my bed and started the annoying process of removing nail polish. In the mean time I looked up at the crib that was set up in my room. I remember thinking, "awe a baby crib." I soon realized that the crib was empty and then I started to cry some more. I was exhausted and sleeping in my own bed felt amazing. Of course during the night I still had to get up every 3 hours to pump so my milk supply kept coming.

The next day I went back to the NICU where they put the girls in a different room. As the days went on Tayla continued to improve and soon enough she was discharged. It felt very strange having one discharged and not the other one. The good thing is they kept a crib in there so I when I was there Tayla had a place to stay but if left for any reason, Tayla had to come with me, which meant leaving Ivy at the hospital. It felt weird separating them so all while Ivy was still in the NICU Tayla and I stayed there as much as possible. There were a couple of nights I came home to sleep but for the most part I was at the hospital. I was determined to help Ivy improve on her eating so she could come home. She would take a bottle but whatever she didn't finish she had to take through a feeding tube. I remember one night I had gone home, and when I came back her feeding tube was out. I was nearly jumping for joy when that happened because that meant if she continued to eat on her own she could go home! Well that happy day finally came and after 2 weeks of being in the hospital, Ivy was finally able to join us at home!

Those 2 weeks was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience. I think about the other babies there that were smaller and sicker then mine which meant that they were in there much longer then my girls were. And for that, I'm actually truly grateful that my girls did so well considering they had originally told me they could be in there for another 2 weeks.