My confession

I've been contemplating writing about this for awhile. For the past couple of years I've been struggling with my weight. I start with a simple diet and working out, but it wouldn't last long. Something would go wrong, and I would resort to my old eating habits. And even though I would be disappointed with myself, I still chose to do nothing about it. A few months would go by and I would try once again a lifestyle change that would, as always, end in failure. After being on diet after diet I decided to seek help and advice.

I started my endless search on the internet. Looking for tips on what works best and what doesn't, I decided to keep a private log to observe and reflect on my eating habits. After about a month of this I discovered a hard truth that I had a hard time admitting until a couple of weeks ago: I have an eating disorder.

Even thinking about it, it doesn't quite sink in, and I there are times when I try to deny the awful truth, but I have come to a point in my life where I need to stop hiding from the truth and just admit to my flaws so that I may feel better about myself. All the signs are there.

--I use food for comfort.
--Even when I'm not hungry I still chose to eat
--When I'm eating, I keep eating until all my food is gone, even if I feel full.
--After eating a huge amount of food, I feel disgusted and upset with myself about my eating habits
--I wake up the next day thinking that today is going to be the day that I make a change, but it never happens.

I'm constantly repeating this vicious cycle, lowering my self esteem and self image more everyday.

Well no more. I'm not exactly sure what brought on the need for me to eat all the time. I could make up all sorts of excuses, "2010 was a hard year..." "...Finishing school was stressful" "...I broke up with my boyfriend after being together for 5 years" "...My best friend died in a car accident." Whatever the excuse may be, The truth is, having no self control is the real reason why I've been struggling.

So here's to a new lifestyle change. The beginning of what is going to be the hardest battle I've ever had to fight before. The start of something that I plan on finishing hard and strong!

Today is a new day!

Update

It's been awhile since I've written an actual blog before. Been really busy lately and next thing I know 3 weeks has gone by and it's almost the end of June!

Work has basically consumed my life and I spend most of my free time planning and writing lesson plans. I'm in bed early almost every night because I wake up at 6:30 in the morning. My weekends consist of spending time with my boyfriend and depending on the day we either watch a lot of movies, play games, or just go on nice walks.

Things between me and Tyrel are going great. We just had our one year anniversary and things couldn't be better. We have started the process of looking for a place to move into together. And will be all moved in by the end of September.

Well that's it for now. Nothing really else going on in my life. My goal is come on more often since I've developed this new crave for blogging

Wordless Wednesday: My escape

I've come to the conclusion that I love to be outdoors. I feel free and relaxed. I can forget everything that is going on in the world and escape to my own world

Wordless Wednesday: Outdoor adventures

My first time participating in this. Hope you enjoy!

A thing of the past?

I really don't like posting rants on my blog but considering this has to do with my lifestyle as a teacher, this would fit perfectly.

As I'm at work and watch interactions with parents and children I can't help but notice a certain behavior pattern. I try and communicate with the parent and they act like they don't care how their child's day went. If they misbehavedy they just brush it off like it's no big deal or they stand there laughing saying how cute it is.

So this leaves me with a question. Do parents discipline their children these days? Or do they let them run the house and make their own rules? When I first started my job I was shocked with the amount of disrespect they had towards me. It has taken me 3 months to finally get to where they can listen to me without them back-talking or saying "no" when asked to do something. I ask my supervisor about this and found out they do the same thing to their parents and they don't do anything about it!

Is disciplining a thing of the past? I wish someone would help me out. When you don't give your child structure and rules at home and then start them at school it is hard for them to adjust and brings a challenge to the teacher as well. Kids need consistency. All the work I do at school is thrown away once they get home, needing to start over from the beginning.

I know for a fact that if I acted like that towards my parents I got in HUGE trouble.

Play date

Spent the afternoon at the park on Saturday. After it had been sunny all day I figured I would take advantage of the beautiful weather. After Tyrel went to work I went to pick up the kids and of course when I get there the sun goes away and it becomes cloudy. But we went anyways and as always took some fun pictures.

I had forgotten my camera so I had to use my phone. I discovered some cool settings that I can do with my camera!

This setting was called "cartoon." Doesn't really look cartoony to me but it was still pretty cool.

As always Bailee was ready for me to take lots of pictures and would stop and pose for the camera. Braylon on the other hand was too busy playing to stop and look at the camera so these were the best I could do.

More adventures to come!