Well the day finally came where I found out what has been going through John's head and everything finally makes sense. It may have been painful to hear what he had to say, but I feel that it's good for me to hear it. As much as I feel stupid for not figuring it out sooner, I also feel that a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Even if me and John don't plan on getting back together, I feel better knowing the reason behind everything. I think that if there anything that I have learned from all this, is how much I love and care about John. Even during the times that I hated him, I still loved him; Even after everything that has happened.
I guess that's just the kind of person I am. I was raised to always be a good person and no matter how much pain that person has caused me, I can never wish that same pain onto that person. I see the good in everyone. Even the cruel, heartless, selfish people. This probably explains why I have such a hard letting go of people. It's not because that I am not a strong person, I just am the type of person not to give up on someone, which is why I stuck with John for as long as I did.
The conclusion to the night ended in John saying, "I've f***ed up big time. And I don't blame you for never talking to me again." I don't really trust him, but the only reason why I was able to believe anything he had to say to me was because he was really broken up about it. I can't really say what's going to happen from here on out. He is in a relationship with the person he's been trying to get for the past year and now... he is absolutely miserable. Me and everyone else tried to tell him that he would hate it, but some people learn the hard the way. They need to experience it themselves in order to truly know what they want. And now that he is in this new relationship with someone else he realized that what we had was special and never knew how much he took things for granted.
I want to say that I'm sorry that things aren't working out between him and Darcy, because all I could ever want is for him to be happy, but at the same time when I hear how miserable he is, I can't help but smile and think to myself, "It serves you right asshole." I don't know what's going to happen between me and John, I just know that if he EVER wants to try and get back together me, he is going to have to work for it; big time. He knows that he will have cut Darcy out of his life for good, changing his phone number, email address and never communicate with her again. If this is something that he is willing to do for me, then I can see a sign of hope for us.
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