3 months!

It's been 3 months since these adorable girls came into our lives, and boy have our lives change. Life feels like a juggling act sometimes. One starts crying so I pick her up. Before long the other one will start crying so I have to put the other one down, to pick up her sister. This goes back and forth sometimes which then will lead me to being stuck on the couch holding two babies at once. I really don't mind at all when it come down to this but it just means nothing around the house is getting done. It's crazy how it makes the day go by really fast. One minute it's morning time, next thing you know Tyrel is walking through the door coming home from work.

They are still on a pretty consistent 3 hour eating schedule. I'm able to feed them a the same time which cuts down on feeding time. They are still struggling with the breastfeeding. I almost feel like they have a lazy suck so they don't get much milk from the breast.. I've been told this is because they are getting use to the bottle. Nursing sessions still take a long time. It usually involves a lot of readjusting and fixing their latches. And even after feeding them at the breast both of them start screaming at me and sucking away at their binkies acting like they are still hungry! I don't really look forward to breastfeeding anymore because I feel it's so much work, but I keep trying. For now I'm just stuck to my pumping. I'm still having supply issues. I think of it has to do with my hypothyroidism. I bought some mother's milk tea and and on the look out for fenugreek. Currently trying a prescription called Reglan to help increase supply. I'm not really really a fan of the side effects so it may just be a temporary thing.

Sleeping is going really well so far! They are sleeping longer stretches at night! Generally I put them to bed at around 8 and then don't wake up to eat until 2! After that it's back to 3 hours, but they extra stretch is still nice. Sleeping during the day is kind of random. I was keeping them up a little bit because they love to smile and coo at you which is just the cutest thing ever. But I've noticed that makes them really cranky at the end of the day so now it's only for about an hour before I wrap them back up and then they are off to dream land. They still need a lot of head support, although Tayla is doing really well with tummy time and holding her head up! We are still working on head holding with Ivy because of her Tortacollis. She is seeing a physical therapist and I do regular stretches with her to help ease the muscle tension on the one side of her neck. Everyday seems to be a little better. Oh and did I mention these girls do really well sleeping in their crib? A lot of time times we can just wrap them up and lay them in their cribs and they will go to sleep on their own. It's pretty nice

These girls continue to grow. They were last weighed on May 31st and Tayla was at 8 lbs and Ivy was 8 lbs 2 oz. They go back in on Friday to be weighed again. I recently went through all their clothes and packed up all their newborn clothes and transitioned them to 0-3 month clothes as well as size 1 diapers!

Twin life is hard, but I just try to take it one day at a time. Also Tyrel helped me with the photo shoot, if you can tell by the pictures

Tayla is not a fan

 This is what happens when daddy helps with pictures haha

Oh I forgot to mention there have been a couple of times where the girls are laying on the floor and they they start smiling and talking to each other. It is just the cutest thing ever!! Trying really hard to get a video of it

Telling stories

Life with twins: 2 months

It's hard to believe that these sweet girls are two months old already. I meant to take a picture while they were in matching outfits but it just got too late so I took their picture the next day and then of course forgot to put them in matching outfits. Oops. Well either way, these growing girls certainly have stolen my heart. Comparing them to their one month photo they sure have changed a lot....

One month ago!

Anyway, life with twins definitely keeps me busy. I feel like a walking zombie at times. Sleep deprived and can't think straight. They both still like to sleep a lot although they have been staying been having more wakeful times during the day. They are getting stronger at holding their heads up and have just recently started smiling back at you! Of course the first time Tayla smiled at someone was their aunt Bailee. I swear she is like the baby whisperer or something. They try so hard to make cute little cooing noises. It's fun watching their little mouths move around until a little squeak comes out. Of course when it comes to sleeping they are completely different. Tayla is a great sleeper! She will wake up to eat, we wrap her back and then is pretty good about putting herself like sleep. Ivy however likes to wiggle, and grunt to keep herself awake. She also goes to sleep better if the room is dark, where as Tayla doesn't like it completely dark. Usually I have to hold Ivy for quite sometime before she falls asleep and I have to make sure she is completely asleep before putting her down otherwise she wakes back up. There are times when she's awake for a good 2 hours between feedings where she wiggles and grunts the entire time. Despite my best efforts to get her to sleep, I'm usually just so exhausted I end up falling asleep myself. She's not crying so it's not going to hurt anything if she lays there awake right? I like to compare Tayla to myself. A girl who like to her sleep and will sleep anywhere if tired enough. According to my mom I was same way ever since I was a baby. Ivy is just like her dad. She would rather stay awake until the very end rather then sleep, which of course is how Ty is, who would rather stay up because sleeping is a waste of time lol.

When it comes to eating that's a whole other issue in it's self. Breastfeeding is becoming far more difficult then it's worth. I mean they've been on bottles since they were born because of them being preemies so I'm assuming that has something to do with it. Once I started transitioning to the breast it was painful. So painful that it actually damaged my nipples. I assumed it was their latch. I knew Tayla would have a shallow latch because of her extreme tongue tie. (see below picture) It was so bad that she couldn't even stick her tongue out so I had no doubt she would have trouble breastfeeding.

When Ivy was in the NICU she needed a feeding tube so she's had trouble eating to begin with. But now that Tayla's tongue tie is fixed and Ivy has no problems eating I wanted to try breastfeeding again. When I did, it took 30 minutes to eat, even with using a nipple shield. The pain was still there but I wanted to keep trying. After a couple of weeks they regressed. Now all they wont really latch on and will just lay they there screaming on the breast. They get so frustrated, and since I know they they are hungry I give them a bottle. Personally I feel that giving them a bottle is easier anyway because then I can feed at the same time. I still continue to pump but now I feel my milk supply has decreased and we've had to give them formula a couple of times. I know that breast milk is so good for my babies but the pumping every 3 hours is becoming quite exhausting. And it kills me knowing that I my milk is decreasing. And I mean that in sense that I've cried many time over this. It makes me feel like a failure thinking my body can't provide food for my babies. And before any of you try to give me tips, or tell me, "your milk shouldn't be decreasing" or "your body produces just the right amount of milk your babies need" or "you shouldn't need to give them formula" blah, blah.... trust me I've heard it all and frankly I'm tired of it because all it does is make me feel worse. So keep your "advise" to yourself. I'm doing the best I can with two babies and in the end I'm going to do what's best for me and my babies. With that being said, I'm going to continue pumping for as long as I can

Overall motherhood is amazing. These girls definitely keep my busy. I've always been a person who enjoys their sleep and require 8 hours a night. And although I knew that wouldn't happen when I become a parent, you would think my body would get use to the lack of sleep. I look forward to see what the next month will bring

Baby shower pictures!

Since I went into labor before I was able to have my baby shower, we had to reschedule it. Since the girls were born early and had to be in the NICU we wanted to wait until they were a little older. They were the highlight of the party, even if they were there for only a little bit. My hosts did an amazing job with the all the decorations and followed the Dr. Seuss theme very well.

It was my nephew's first time meeting Tayla and Ivy and he already loves them! It was so sweet whenever someone was holding them you would walk up to someone and hold his hands up because he wanted to hold them and see them.

He really wanted those balloons lol

On Mother's day we attempted a cousin picture. He would only sit still for like 15 seconds at a time but for the short time we had we were able to get a few cute pictures

Look babies!

One month update

I'm a little late writing this blog, but I finally have the time and energy to write something so here it goes:

This past month has flown by. My day pretty much consist of feeding, pumping and sleeping. And when I'm not sleeping I want to eat. When the girls were in the NICU they were on a 3 hour feeding schedule, so when they came home we decided to keep them on that schedule that way they can continue to gain weight. Most of the time we had to wake them up to eat, which still baffles me. I've always known babies who would let you know if they are hungry, and would wake up to eat, but preemies are a whole different story. They loved to be swaddled, being held, and sleeping close to mom and dad. They are small enough and don't really move around that much, so they currently sleep in the same crib. I originally had the crib up against the wall, but a couple of weeks ago we moved it against the bed because they weren't sleeping well at night. It allows me to be closer to them but don't have to worry about rolling on top of them. It has been working out really good and the girls are sleeping much better. They currently still like to sleep a lot and have started to wake up on their own when they are hungry, so they are now on their own feeding schedule, although we try not to have them go more then 4 hours.

When in the NICU I wanted to try breastfeeding, but as preemies they don't develop that sucking motion until much later. And whenever I breastfed they would be too exhausted to finish their bottles because breastfeeding used up too much of their energy. We have been giving them bottles of expressed breast milk, supplementing about tablespoons worth of formula. This formula is specially made for babies who are born prematurely, because it has extra calories in it so they can gain weight.  Now that they are home and considered full term (April 28th) I have started breastfeeding them. They get a little frustrated and I have to use a nipple shield, but they actually do really well. After a little bit they fall asleep on the breast and afterwards we offer a bottle because they still don't get much from the breast. I'm hoping eventually they will get it down so we don't have to worry about bottles, and I look forward to the day that I can feed at the same time. Feeding them one after another, and then pumping right afterwards, doesn't leave me much time for sleep. I'm so thankful for Tyrel who has been so supportive and even getting up at night to help feed them so I can get sleep. He really is such a good dad

Motherhood is amazing and everything I've ever wanted. And even with the sleepless night. I was definitely born to be a mother!

My NICU experience

While the girls are sleeping I wanted to share my experience with having my babies in the NICU. I will admit, that whole experience was something I don't wish anyone to ever experience. I remember waking up in the recovery room wondering where my babies were, then remembering that they were a floor down below me. While in the hospital I tried to go down and visit them as much as possible. They weren't able to breastfeed so that meant pumping every 3 hours to get my milk to come in. I went into labor and gave birth on Friday. Sunday came along and there was talk about being discharged. I didn't think I was ready, it had only been 2 days, and I especially wasn't ready because my babies were still in the NICU which meant I wasn't able to take them home yet. I cried. I remember thinking how unfair it was. I gave birth to two beautiful babies and they were sending me home without them. I was mad, emotional, upset. My whole world just collapsed on me. Tyrel just held me, while I cried, trying as hard as he could to make me feel better. I was told that I could stay with my babies in the NICU for as long as I wanted too, but that wasn't good enough. I wanted to take them home with me. After a good cry, I settled myself down and moved all my stuff down to the room where my girls were, where I continued to stay there with them

While there, the nurses were amazing. Knew what they were doing and were very supportive of me staying there. I wanted to be involved in all of the diaper changes and feedings, because I felt that was my job as mother. They had the girls on a feeding schedule of every 3 hours. It seemed weird having to wake a baby up to eat. As far as I knew, if a baby was hungry they would wake up. Even though I was exhausted and not getting any sleep I still chose to do everything. All while I was pumping after each feeding. The hardest thing for me was seeing my babies, all hooked up with wires. Then there jaundice levels went up which meant they had to be under a lamp; that also cut down on the time I was allowed to hold them. Ivy had to be given a feeding tube because she wouldn't eat. I was happy to see that Tayla was doing well, took a bottle really well. I was still feeling emotional, and it was about a week when Tyrel made the suggestion I should come home and sleep in my own bed. As much as I didn't want to leave my babies I knew it was the right thing to do. I cried. I didn't want to leave my babies and felt like a horrible mom leaving them in the hospital, but I knew they were going to get taken care of. I came home, took a shower, and started to feel better. After my shower I decided I wanted to take my nail polish off my nails because it started chipping. Without thinking I sat on my bed and started the annoying process of removing nail polish. In the mean time I looked up at the crib that was set up in my room. I remember thinking, "awe a baby crib." I soon realized that the crib was empty and then I started to cry some more. I was exhausted and sleeping in my own bed felt amazing. Of course during the night I still had to get up every 3 hours to pump so my milk supply kept coming.

The next day I went back to the NICU where they put the girls in a different room. As the days went on Tayla continued to improve and soon enough she was discharged. It felt very strange having one discharged and not the other one. The good thing is they kept a crib in there so I when I was there Tayla had a place to stay but if left for any reason, Tayla had to come with me, which meant leaving Ivy at the hospital. It felt weird separating them so all while Ivy was still in the NICU Tayla and I stayed there as much as possible. There were a couple of nights I came home to sleep but for the most part I was at the hospital. I was determined to help Ivy improve on her eating so she could come home. She would take a bottle but whatever she didn't finish she had to take through a feeding tube. I remember one night I had gone home, and when I came back her feeding tube was out. I was nearly jumping for joy when that happened because that meant if she continued to eat on her own she could go home! Well that happy day finally came and after 2 weeks of being in the hospital, Ivy was finally able to join us at home!

Those 2 weeks was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience. I think about the other babies there that were smaller and sicker then mine which meant that they were in there much longer then my girls were. And for that, I'm actually truly grateful that my girls did so well considering they had originally told me they could be in there for another 2 weeks.

Birth story

It's crazy to think I took this picture just a day before going into a labor. I was exactly 34 weeks in this picture. Everything was going good, no problems and I felt fine. I was actually just talking to my co workers about how I was feeling pretty good and that I was expecting to finish off the rest of the month working. Ha, I was really wrong because these girls had other plans.

I was woken up at 3:40am on Friday to my water breaking. I have to admit, weirdest feeling ever. At first I had no idea what was going on and sat up and then I said out loud, "oh shit." Ty woke up and asked what was wrong and I said to him, "I think my water just broke." He wasn't quite awake and I had to repeat myself before he sat up and got out of bed. And then I looked at him and said, "we need to pack a hospital bag." We had it all planned out to finish all the baby stuff, including their room and pack a hospital bag this weekend so we were totally unprepared for this, but of course who is? After we got the bag ready, the next thing on my mind was food. It was close to breakfast time and I knew they wouldn't let me eat once I got to the hospital so I had Ty take me to Winco to get breakfast as well as other snacks. By then the contractions were small ones so I was able to walk around just fine.

After our stop at Winco we drove to the hospital and while on the way I called my mom. I showed up and they asked me what I was in for and I told them that my water had broke. I don't think they believed me because I was so calm about it. They took me to a room, asked how far long I was. They took a swab to make sure it was amniotic fluid I was leaking and not something else and then once they confirmed it was they wheeled me into the labor and delivery room at around 7am. They checked my cerivx and I was 100% effaced and I was dilated 3-4 cm. Again I was having contractions but they were still just small ones. Not very strong. The nurse asked me about my pain management and I told her I would want an epidural. The room had a Jacuzzi tub and they offered for me to lay in it while I labored, and obviously I took that opportunity. The tub felt amazing and once I got into the tub and started relaxing a little, the contractions started to hit me HARD. The pain started to hit my lower back really hard. As I was getting out the nurse came in and asked if I was ready for an epideral and without hesitation I all but yelled, "YES." As I layed back back down waiting for the ansticioligist the contractions become worse. I starting feeling sick to my stomach and puking and had horrible heartburn which made me want to puke as well. I felt like I was waiting forever, getting more uncomfortable and grumpy by the moment. I had multiple nurses come talk to me, and the doctor asked what my decision was about giving birth. I decided that I would try to deliver vaginally for both babies. (Again all while in pain) After what seemed like 10 hours the ansticioligist finally came in and gave me an epidural. After about 20 minutes, I could finally feel relief from the pain. In fact I got so relaxed that I fell alseep and took a nap. I even slept through the nurse adjusting the monitors on my belly. Later on I soon hated those monitors because it made my skin itch like crazy. Forget the pain and pressure I was more worried about scratching my skin off

I can't remember when I woke up but the nurse came in and decided to check to see how diolated I was and mentioned giving me pitocin because it had been  close to 12 hours since my water broke. As she was checking me the first words out of her mouth was, "well we don't need to give you any pitocin. You are about 10 cm diolated." It was about that time my mom and Tyrel had to put gowns on before I was rolled into the operating room. When delivering twins they always have the person delivery in the Operating room just in case the person needs a c section. While they were getting ready I had another nurse come in from the NICU where she told us my babies would need to go to the NICU when they were born. This is the first time I was told this and honestly was not expecting this news and about started crying knowing that I would give birth and then they would take my babies away. And of course they had to tell me this right as I was about to give birth. They wheeled me in to the room around 5pm. And at 6:36pm miss Tayla Rose was born! I remember thinking how hard that was and thought to myself that I was done but then remembered I still had another baby inside me. The nurses weighed Tayla and they brought her back to me. I got to hold her for an hour, which went by really fast. The exhaustion hit me. Hard. I was ready to be done and rolled back into my room, with my baby. But then the nurse took my baby away, reality sunk back in and I continued to lay there so twin number 2 could be born. The only problem is that my contractions completely stopped and miss Ivy positioned herself very comfortable in the center of my belly. They had to give me pitocin to start my contractions again. And they had to keep increasing it. They tried rotating Ivy but she wouldn't budge which means I would have to deliver the baby while in the breached position. I had know idea I had a long ways to go. The contractions started again and so did the pushing. I was exhausted from pushing with Tyala, my muscles were weak. I put every effort I could into pushing and it never felt enough. Then I started feeling horrible and excruciating pressure in my lower back and tail bone area, and every single push just made it worse. I remember getting really pissed that I could feel pain. I remember yelling, "is my epidural wearing off? Why can I feel the pain. I shouldn't be feeling this!!" The doctor tried to explain to me it had to do with the position the baby was in, but I was still mad. As Ivy made her down out the pain just got worse. I wanted to give up. I started crying and thought to myself that I couldn't do it anymore. This is where I'm so glad I had Tyrel at my side. He was able to calm me down and did not let me give up. I don't think I could've kept going without him. As the pushing continued the doctor told me all I had left was her head. And after hearing that it was all the motivation I needed. I zoned everything out and pushed all I could until she was out finally at 9:12pm. Almost 3 hours later! She was very purple when she came out but after some crying her color came back. They put her to my chest. I was only able to hold her for 20 minutes before she was taken away too. She was doing some weird breathing and wanted to start monitoring her. I laid there on the uncomfortable bed, thinking I was done. But I still had to deliver the placentas. Unfortunately the placentas would not come out so they had to give me more epidural so she could go in and pull the placentas out. It was close to 11pm when they finally started wheeling me out and back into my room. As I laid there all I could think about was how my babies were doing but they wouldn't let me me go see them until my epidural wore off and could walk by myself.

I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. My epidural finally wore off and it was time to move into the recovery room. At around 2am I was finally able to go down to the NICU to see my babies and hold them! It was the most amazing feeling ever. I wanted to stay longer but because I had been awake for nearly 24 hours I was tired and needed to get some sleep. I wanted to bring my babies with me but they had to stay. I went back to my room where both Tyrel and I were able to sleep

I was happy to be done finally but knew I still had a long road ahead of me

33 weeks

These babies sure are growing and I have a huge belly and more weight to show for it. By now they should be gaining about 1/2 pound each week, which mean I'm gaining weight more frequently too. I now have reached my pre-pregnancy weight. Probably a good thing I lost 15 pounds during this pregnancy. Right now Baby A who is facing head down is now measuring bigger and weighing at 4 lbs 12 oz, with a heart rate of 139 bpm. Baby B who is still breached is weighing at 4 lbs 6oz with a heart rate of 143 bpm. Everything looks good in my ultra sound and babies are growing right where they need to be. We talked about setting a date for my induction with my doctor, and any complications that can come with delivering breech babies as well as c section. Not really something you want to hear but everything comes with a risk and at least my doctor is honest. Starting next week I start going to my OB at once to twice a week. Since having twins they are want to do a stress test and extra fetal monitoring to make sure babies are doing ok inside the womb. Depending on how the test goes will determine if I need to be put on bed rest or not.

The babies room is looking a lot better, thanks to my mom. We got a dresser put in and clothes all put away and one swing still set up. We still need to set up the crib in our room that we will use for both of them, finish organizing and pack a hospital bag. We still have some time before these babies are born but because it's normal for twins to come early, it's still better to be prepared. Things are getting a little uncomfortable for me, including sleeping. Have to get up a couple times a night to use the bathroom. I sit on the couch to put my feet up as much as possible but even then I still have to get up and move around a little because I feel like my big belly in constricting my air way sometimes. The Braxton hicks contractions have started as well. Nothing to big but a little uncomfortable. I still have a long ways to go, but there are days when I wish I was done being pregnant.

Unfortunately since both babies were facing down, towards my spine they weren't able to get any pictures!

I noticed the other night that my belly is no longer round shaped

 

Really hoping this swelling goes away once these babies come....

How far along?    33 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Altogether I've gained 15 pounds and now reached my pre-pregnancy weight
Maternity clothes? All the time
Best moment this week:   Getting the babies room all organized. It was a disaster lol
Miss Anything? Sleeping through the night
Movement: Decreased a little. Probably because they are running out of room to move
Food cravings: Chocolate!
Anything making you queasy or sick: No
Have you started to show yet:   Yup
Gender prediction:  Both girls
Labor Signs: Started having braxton hicks contractions on Monday
Belly Button in or out? Getting pretty flat
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy
Looking forward to:  Getting the crib all set up