Black and white Sunday

Why not?
A picture I took on our adventure today

Holes created by a pecking wood pecker

Vitamins and supplements

For the past couple of months I've been feeling really tired lately, very moody, and just flat out exhausted by the end of the day. All I've wanted to do is sleep and was having a hard time staying awake at work. My sleep doctor gave me some medication that is a stimulate to help me stay awake during the day. The medicine helps but there are side effects along with it. And I don't really want to have to depend on a drug to help me stay awake during the day. Plus it only last 8 hours. Enough to get me through the work day but doing anything after is always impossible, including trying to work out.

Lately I made an appointment with my primary doctor. Just a typical check up. I told him the things I was experiencing and he did some blood work. He found two things: my iron and vitamin d were very low. Now I've never been one of those people that takes a multi-vitamin everyday. Growing up I took Vitamin C to help my immune system. But even when I took it I was still sick. I stopped taking it after high school. After doing some research I'm starting to realize how important vitamins and other supplements are.

I first started with the iron. "Signs of low iron include extreme fatigue, weakness, shortness of breath, dizziness, irritability and headache" All things that I experience. Next I looked up vitamin D. "Vitamin D appears to have effects on immune function. It has been postulated to play a role in influenza with lack of vitamin D synthesis during the winter as one explanation for high rates of influenza infection during the winter." Vitamin D also has an effect on mood and sleep disturbances as well. I know people who suffer from severe depression because of low levels of vitamin D.

As I'm looking up all this information, I'm wondering if it's really that simply. Could these simple vitamins and supplements help me feel better? I figured it couldn't hurt to try. It's been about 3 weeks since I've started taking it and I can actually feel the difference. I have energy at work. I can make it through the day without needing to take my "wake up" medicine everyday. And the best part is at the end of the day I actually have enough energy to work out!

I'm going to stat taking advantage of vitamins now, knowing how much they do for you. I'm actually thinking about taking vitamin c again, considering I'm getting sick for the 3rd time this winter

One year later

Been meaning to write this post since Tuesday, but work has kept busy with working extra hours and in all different classrooms. I also had the wonderful opportunity to go through a sleep study, but more on that. I will write this as if I were writing it 6 days ago...

Tuesday, September 11th 2011- 12:30am
It was a Saturday night. I just got done spending time with some of Tyrel's friends at the bowling alley. Fun times, good laughs, over all good night. That night Ty and I had taken separate cars, Ty went first and I followed behind. I was sitting in the left turn lane at the corner of 9th street and Walnut, about to turn left onto Walnut. And then it happened... (seriously felt like time had slowed down)

My light turned green and I was about to take my foot off the break pedal getting ready to press on the accelerator, but something didn't feel right. I saw a car coming up very fast on Walnut, looking like they weren't going to stop, and sure enough she didn't. She kept on driving right through the middle of the intersection and then slammed on her breaks. I continued sitting there wondering what the hell she was doing when she suddenly turned her car sharply to the right, and her headlights faced mine and she kept on driving... Instinct kicked in and I grabbed the steering wheel with one hand, horn on the other and gasped for a breath. Her car hit mine, my neck and head flung forward. She then put her car in reverse and drove off. Just after her driving off, I see a police car drive past me as well with the lights flashing.

Still in shock I continued to sit there. My light was still green, but I did not move. Seconds went by, minutes, hours (ok not really, but it sure did feel like it) My mind was racing with questions. Did that really just happen? Am I dreaming? Should I follow the cop? Do I pull over to the side? Did that REALLY just happen??! My brain went back to reality and I did a u turn and pulled off to the side of the road. I checked the damage to my car. Not bad. Got back in my car and drove to where the cop had pulled the driver over, which happened to be in a parking lot. The cop came over to make sure I was ok and informed me the young girl had been drinking and was doing a sobriety test. Still shaking I call both Ty and mom and they meet me at the scence. In the end you can probably guess how it ended. She was hauled off to jail and I was able to walk away from the most terrify experience, with minor damages to my car and no injures (or so I thought)

Little did I know that the next 8 months would be a living hell. 24 hours later, I felt like I got hit by a truck. Couldn't move my neck and a headache so bad I could barley think. I was diagnosed with whip lass and I spent the next 4 months doing therapy, all while trying to move out an apartment, move and continue my lifestyle at work. Too make things worse, the person who hit me was fighting the system. She was bailed out of jail, hired an attorney and pleaded not guilty. They tried to offer money to me, so the charges could be dropped. They thought I was faking the pain the I was in. She felt she didn't do anything wrong and because no one was seriously hurt, she should be let off easy. I can tell you now, that did not go well with me at all. I was not going to let her work the system just because she had money. She needed to take consequences for her actions. This is a person who drank enough alcohol to make her blood alcohol level a 0.17, and was stupid enough to get in a car and drive. And to make things worse, SHE WAS 19 YEARS OLD! I went through 8 months of showing up to court which finally led to final verdict: a DUII, reckless driving, and hit and run. Closure finally came to the case and I could feel better knowing once less stupid person was off the road.

But this of course was just the beginning. Even after physical therapy was done, I suffered great psychological issues as well. Not only did I get constant headaches and neck aches, I had increased anxiety during the day. I had trouble sleeping and had horrible nightmares and happened on a daily basis. I had a hard time getting behind the wheel and driving, especially at night and often had to limit myself to driving to places. Things got easier after time, but after this accident I had to change my whole lifestyle. And even after one year later, I can still remember that night like it happened yesterday. It's something I have to live with the rest of life and has made me more cautious while driving. I am so thankful for my life and for the fact that not only me but the other driver as well was able to walk away from this accident. It could have been much worse and I'm sure all of us have heard stories of similar situations ending in severe injuries or often death. I'm also very thankful for the sheriff who witnessed it all! Had it not been for him, she would have kept on driving, putting not only herself, but others at risk.

I know people hate hearing this, but this is a message that needs to be spread: Please DO NOT drink and drive. It is not worth the risk of yours and other peoples lives. No matter the distance you are driving that night, you should not get into a car and drive after you have been drinking. I have never drove a car after drinking, and I don't ever plan too. Just don't do it. I really hope the person who hit me has learned a valuable lesson, and will hopefully think twice before getting in a car after drinking.

Guest Post: Dog drama

I have a friend who is going through a difficult situation right now. A couple of months ago she had found a dog wondering the streets as a stray. Being the animal lover that she is, she took in the dog, took care of it, called the humane society and attempted to find the dog's owners. 30 days later she claimed the dog as her and was really a happy. Until an unfortunate event when the supposedly owners saw her walking "their" dog and called the police on her. The cop then forced her to give the dog back to them.

After all she did for that dog, there was no "thank you," no explanation as to where they have been for the past month, and no pay back for the vet fees my friend had to pay. I for one, don't think the officer was in the right to force her to give back the dog. I mean, the people didn't really have proof that it was their dog, just going by word of mouth. That's almost as bad as a child at my school claiming that a toy is theirs all because it looks like a toy they have at home. Ridiculous honestly. Tell me what you think

"So, Easter Sunday Frank & I decided to take Spock out for a walk in the local park. As we got there this family who barely spoke any English, making conversation difficult, claimed that he was their lost dog. They had a photo of a white lab puppy on their phone, but because I licensed Spock in my name, I told them that I was sorry, but he is my dog.

When we got home from our long and stressful walk we got a phone call from a sheriff asking us to meet him at the park w/Spock. We did & he forced us to give Spock to the family. He gave me two choices 1) Give him to the family, or 2) He would arrest me and take Spock by physical force and give him to the family. So I gave them the dog.

Once home Frank & I started researching what was going on, and the legality of it all. I want Spock back! We found that the officer was in the wrong. According to our research, dogs are considered property, property disputes are to be handled in small claims, and an officer should not enforce the transfer of property from one person to another unless ordered by a judge. Secondly, according to ORS 98.025 we should have been paid for the cost of care we gave to him BEFORE the property was transferred.

I did lots of research and called a few places. Talked with another sheriff from the county, who was standing by his officer saying he did everything right, so we are now waiting on a friend to get us the phone number for a civil lawyer who specializes in animal cases. We will be filing a complaint against the officer who treated us terribly and who we believe way over-stepped his bounds.

After the consultation with the lawyer, we are going to be going to the family to give them 2 options.
1) We will offer to purchase Spock from them, both for the price they paid originally, and if they can prove w/receipts they put money into vet bills for puppy-shots, we will pay that as well.
OR
2) If they are not willing to sell him to us, we are going to request that they pay us for the vet bills & food expense we put into him. That is supported by ORS 98.025 where we should be reimbursed for the care of found property. The general example I found about property, is that if you found some one's bike, and had to pay to store it, they would be required to pay you the fees you incurred while it was in your care. That is supposed to happen before they get the property back. This didn't happen in our case, but that's not the family's fault, that's the officer's.

If they totally refuse we will be taking them to court, and requesting the court demand they not only pay us for his care but for our legal fees as well.

The sheriff I spoke with on the phone told me that for Spock to have legally been ours we would have had to follow ORS 98.005. It isn't obviously stated ANYWHERE in the found-dog section of the county or shelter website that I needed to do any of that. But it states that there's basically just a few things we would have to do:
We would have had to submit in writing that we found him to the county clerk. Post an ad with description and my name, address, and the final date for some one to claim him in the newspaper 1ce a week for two weeks. If no one claimed him after 3 months from the written submission date, he would have been legally assigned as my property.

So a heads up to every one out there, just because a dog is licensed in your name, does not mean they are legally yours"

Credit: Dog Drama By Christiane

What would you do with 1 million dollars?

Money seems to be a huge topic these days. People are always talking about how little money people have and complain about the things they can't have. They dream up and create a list of things they would do/buy if they ever did win the lottery. Most of the time the list consist of buying expensive things: a house, car, tv, accessories, and travel.

If you think about it 1 million dollars really that much money... well it is but I mean in a sense that you shouldn't just quit your job and buy a bunch of stuff. If you chose that road, I'm pretty sure your money would be gone in 6 months. If I had the money I have 3 things I'd want to do with it:
1) Pay off my school loans
2) Pay off any medical debt I own (which is alot)
3) Buy a house

For me, money is not something I see as a big deal. I don't need money to make me happy. I don't need expensive things to get through life. I would save most of the money and the rest would go to other important things in my life, mainly being: my family and my school. I would turn to my family and help them out financially in any way I can. They've done so much for me through out my life, and I would love to repay the favor. Also, if I had the money I would donate my money to my school. Buy new books, toys, and supplies for all the classrooms. Replace the outside play structure, new paint, lights and any other maintenance things my school badly needs.

Call me crazy, but I'm being serious as I type this. Tell me all you want that "if you ever win, you will change your mind," because that wont happen. Even now, sitting in my bank account I have enough money to pay 5 months worth of rent, and all I can think about is other people who are struggling every month. My school in dire need of money to supply an adequate education for the kids. The homeless people living on the streets.

So I'm asking you. What you do?

What happened to March?

When I was at work, I took a look at my watch to check today's date and I was shocked to see that it is March 20th! I can't believe how fast this month has gone. My vacation I took only seems like it was a week ago.

It's amazing how fast the days go by. At work I'm constantly busy with the kids, working on projects, cleaning. And because I'm always on the go it feels that my days just kind of mesh together. I sometimes wish there was a pause button in life. I would be nice to be able to take a break so I can at least catch my breath. I mean I get breaks at work but even then, they don't always involve me sitting and relaxing

Unfortunately, life doesn't have a pause button. With that in mind I'm just going to live in the moment and enjoy life as much as possible. I feel that everyone should live by this rule: Cherish every moment.

Tomorrow is a new day

Wordless Wednesday: Something to think about

Happy....uh, hallmark dedication day?

I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day. I find it pointless to dedicate a holiday where you show people how much you love them. You should be able to show someone you love them everyday. Well this year I did something different. I bought some of Tyrel's favorite candy made a little sign, and left it on the kitchen table for him to see it when he got off work

Yeah it's a little cheezy, but I figured what the heck? Haha. Tyrel thought it was cute and of course he said yes tee hee.

Anyway I went to work like nothing special. Typical crazy Tuesday. The only thing different about it was having a special Valentine party. I was given so many sweets and treats I wont want to eat junk food for a week... Ok, maybe not but you get the idea.

I think the best present I received today was the one from my little 3 year old brother

My mom said they went to the store and he specifically picked it out himself. What a sweet little boy he is! (well most of the time haha) Anyway, it was definitely a pick me up after a not so good day at work. I finished the night with some delicious comfort food and candy hearts from my mom for dessert!

I hope this post doesn't come across as negative. I may sound like the Valentine Grinch, but really I love all the holidays. I dress up, decorate and paint my nails for the occasion. I have nothing against you for celebrating it, I just don't see the point of it I guess.

Happy Valentine's Day!

My thoughts and frusterations

For the past 3 months my life has been consumed with pain, appointments, and stress. Because of this accident I've had to deal with 2 months of neck pain, back pain, headaches and chiropractor appointments. Up until recently I was also dealing with constant nightmares, that caused me to lose sleep at night. It took me quite some time to be able to drive, especially at night. I've just now gotten comfortable behind the wheel. Because of her I had to change my whole lifestyle. As a preschool teacher, I found it very hard to move around with the kids, bend over and stand for long periods of time. This of course caused me to cut back on my work load. I was unable to go on walks, swim, and play with my younger siblings at the parks. Due to headaches, pain or appointments I've also had to miss work which means missed wages are a huge factor.

I'm not writing this letter to try and complain, I just feel you, her and everyone else involved needs to know my feelings towards this whole case. Lately I've felt much anger and frustration that they have prolonged this case. This girl, who is underage, drank, got into a car, drove, hit me, and then drove off, all in front of a sheriff. I learned later that she blew twice over the legal limit. Someone like this shouldn't get off scott free. She needs to take consequences for her actions and needs to be fully charged of all accounts. This girl needs to realize that she should be very grateful that she was able to walk away from this accident injury free. There have been many of these types of accidents where people have died.

Another thing I have been wondering is where did she get the alcohol? Did someone provide it for you? They need to take responsibly as well. I hope that after this, she learns her lesson and doesn't go making a another mistake risking hers and other people lives.

11 days...

11 days from now will be a day of remembering, remorse, and sadness. I regret this day ever coming but because I can't control the calendar I just need to swallow and get through it...

Cracks in the concrete are just constant reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are. but the road is always fixed at one point or another

The great outdoors

Oh outdoors, how I have missed you so!

I left work early and had time to kill before my chiropractor appointment. I went to the riverfront and snapped a few pictures:

After my appointment I went on a walk. The cool air felt nice on my face. My body felt relaxed and I loved looking around at all the fall colors and the environment around me!

As I continued to go on my walk, listening to my book, I couldn't help be feel a sense of loneliness. Normally my walks are accompanied by a companion. Unfortunately my companion is no longer with us anymore. I really miss Cunha. I miss his company and taking him on walks. I loved that dog and would do anything to bring him back... :(

Enjoying the sunset as always!

dog-gone

This was emailed to me and I wanted to share it with other people. I think it would be so cool to have a dog like this!

A true Oregonian

A friend of mine had this on her facebook page and I wanted to share with you as well


If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Oregon.

If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Oregon.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Oregon.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Oregon.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Oregon.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Oregon.

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Oregon.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Oregon.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Oregon.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Oregon.

If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Oregon.

If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Oregon.

If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Oregon.

If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Oregon.

If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Oregon.

If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Oregon.

If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Oregon.

If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Oregon.

If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Oregon.

If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you live in Oregon.

If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Oregon.

If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Oregon.

If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Oregon.

If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Oregon.

If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Oregon.

If you actually understand these jokes you live or have lived in Oregon

The unfortunate truth about teachers

Note: I did not write this. It's just something that I want to share with everyone else.


Are you sick of highly paid teachers?

Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or10 months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - babysit!

We can get that for less than minimum wage.



That's right. Let's give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and plan-- that equals 6 1/2 hours).



Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day...maybe 30? So that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day.

However, remember they only work 180 days a year!!! I am not going to pay them for any vacations.

LET'S SEE....

That's $585 X 180= $105,300

per year. (Hold on! My calculator needs new batteries).



What about those special

education teachers and the ones with Master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an

hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year.

Wait a minute -- there's

something wrong here! There sure is!

The average teacher's salary

(nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days

= $277.77/per day/30

students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student--a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids!) WHAT A DEAL!!!!



Make a teacher smile; repost this to show appreciation for all educators.

Our country

This is a post I copied off a friend of mine. Some things don't pertain to me in particular, but it gives you a different perspective of looking at things. Read it with an open mind.





I Am the Democratic Liberal-Progressive's Worst Nightmare.
I am an White, Conservative, Tax-Paying, American Veteran, Gun Owning Biker.
I am a Master leatherworker I work hard and long hours with my hands to earn
a living.

I believe in God and the freedom of religion, but I don't push it on others.
I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles, and drive American-made cars, and I
believe in American products and buy them whenever I can.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and not some liberal governmental
functionary, Democratic or Republican, that wants to share it with others
who don't work!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer; it makes you a smart
American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not
entitle you to anything. Get over it!

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac or any other item, you should
do it in English. I believe there should be no other language option.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they
want to.

My heroes are Malcolm Forbes, Bill Gates, John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers,
and Willie G. Davidson, who makes the awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.

I don't hate the rich.  I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about
it.

I've never owned a slave, nor was a slave.  I haven't burned any witches or
been persecuted by the Turks, and neither have you!

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you
came from and change your own country!

This is AMERICA...We like it the way it is and more so the way it was...so
stop trying to change it to look like Russia or China, or other socialist
country!

If you were born here and don't like it...you are free to move to any
Socialist country that will have you.  (And take Barrack Hussein Obama and
his group with you.)  Massachusetts started the ball rolling.  Keep it
going.

I believe it is time to really clean house, starting with the White House,
the seat of our biggest problems.

I want to know which church is it, exactly, where the Reverend Jesse Jackson
preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem
and not the solution.

Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the
law, regardless of what color you are, but not just because you happen to
ride a bike.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my driver's license.

I think it's good...And I'm proud that "God" is written on my money....

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you
deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the
next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff
or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause...Get a job and
do your part to support yourself and your family!

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two
parents....

I believe "illegal" is illegal no matter what the lawyers think!

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know....

We want our country back!

My Country....

I hope this offends all illegal aliens.

My great, great, great, great grandfather watched and bled as his friends
died in the Revolution and the War of 1812.  
My great, great, great grandfather watched as his friends died in the
Mexican American War.
My great, great grandfather watched as his friends and brothers died in the
Civil War.
My great grandfather watched as his friends died in the Spanish-American
War.
My grandfather watched as his friends died in WW I.
My father watched as his friends died in WW II.

I watched as my friends died in Vietnam, Panama, and Desert Storm.

My son watched & bled as his friends have died in  Afghanistan and  Iraq.

None of them died for the Mexican Flag.

Everyone died for the American flag.

Texas high school students raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole,
other students took it down.  Guess who was expelled...the students who took
it down.

California high school students were sent home on Cinco de Mayo, because
they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them.

Enough is enough!

This message needs to be viewed by every American; and every American needs
to stand up for America .

We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough.  I'm taking a
stand.

I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars
for this country, and for the American flag.

If you agree, stand up with me.  If you disagree, please let me know.  I
will gladly remove you from my e-mail list.

And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message.

AMERICANS, stop giving away Your RIGHTS!

Let me make this clear!  THIS IS MY COUNTRY!

This statement DOES NOT mean I'm against immigration!

YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY, welcome to come legally:

1. Get  a sponsor!

2. Learn the LANGUAGE, as immigrants have in the past!

3. Live by OUR rules!

4. Get a job!

5. Pay YOUR Taxes!

6. No Social Security until you have earned it and Paid for it!

7. NOW find a place to lay your head!

If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone, then YOU'RE
PART OF THE PROBLEM!

We've gone so far the other way . . . bent over backwards not to offend
anyone.

Only AMERICANS seems to care when American Citizens are being offended!

WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

If you do  not  Pass this on, may your fingers cramp!

Made in the U S A & PROUD OF IT!!!!!

In memory of Joseph Michael Pablo Jr.

"Life is precious. Love is eternal. Death is merely a door separating where we are from where we are going"

I first met Michael in the 8^th grade when we were students at Highland View Middle School, in Corvallis.  Even though, he moved away in high school, we have stayed in touch and remained friends.  I know that Michael would thank you all for being here today and supporting his family and friends. 

Michael was a very kind and loving person.  He was like a brother to me.  Michael’s family and friends had the pleasure and joy of his presence in their lives for 24 years During that short time, he touched many hearts with that slow smile, that quiet demeanor, that twinkle in his eyes.  Everyone who knew Michael knew he was always there to help and support you, a good son, brother and a solid friend.  You couldn’t ask for more than that. 

I feel in my heart that Michael has taken his place with God’s angels.  His time here on earth was lived to the fullest.  Right now, it is hard for us to comprehend the loss that we are feeling after his passing.  With the passing of time, the pain of his loss will lessen, but the memories that we have of Michael will remain strong in our hearts and we will never forget him.

I'd like to dedicate the following poem to him

----Love Lives On by Amanda Bradley

Those we love

Are never really lost to us—

We feel them

In so many special ways—

Through friends

They always cared about

And dreams they left behind,

In beauty that they added to our days…

In words of wisdom,

We still carry with us

And memories that never will be gone….

Those we love

Are never really lost to us---

For everywhere their special love

Lives on.

Life lesson

It was the beginning of my senior year when I announced that I would have a new boy in my life. The warning signs were there that this wasn't a good choice but I went through the decision anyway. I started loosing friendships, I cut back on my social life, my relationship with my family was destroyed, but I was still determined to make things work. I graduate from high school, my senior year of hell was over and I start college. I move away from home with high hopes of succeeding, but long distance relationships never work out and do nothing but cause you pain and anxiety.

Another year goes by and I move back to my parents house. My past friendships are nothing but a distant memory. With a sense of frustration, I continue on with the path I chose and decide that it was for the best to stick with this "wonderful" boy who influenced me so much. The next thing to do is to move in together, into a place that I can't afford and am left on my own to pay for stuff. I don't realize that I'm on a path of destruction and instead ignore the fact that I'm by myself in this downward slope. Things get worse between me and him and in every effort to make things work, I isolate myself even more. I make excuses for things completely unreasonable and put the blame on myself. I give all I have left into the relationship, only to find out I'm pushing him away.

I should have seen the next thing coming- the breakup, move out and the "what the hell do I do now" feeling. It's during times like these you find out who your real friends are; who really cares about you. And even if they don't agree with everything you do, they still support you. They are still there for you when you need them. The shoulder to cry on, the advise giver, the listener. They agree with you, even if they don't want to, and laugh with you and tell you "I told you so" once you've discovered your mistake. They help you look at both sides of the story- good and bad and tell you things you don't want to hear. They have and always will love you.

Love... It's amazing that one little word can change the meaning of your life. Love can control your life and makes you do stupid things. Things you can't really explain and don't make sense to you, but you do them anyway. It consumes you and feel that this is how it should be, no matter what. It isn't until after that you realize just how life changing one little word can bring. And even after all that has happened, you still feel you can bring yourself to "love" again. Only this time, you hope to do things right.

Why I love my life

I love the way I'm happy once again
I feel that I am myself
I have started a new chapter in my life- new job, new beginning, new boy
I've forgotten the past and started thinking about a better future
I cherish the good memories but forget about the bad ones
I feel on top of the world
I'm finally listening to my heart
I do the things I love to do
I'm not criticized for what I like/do
I've become a stronger person
I've become more independent
I am doing this because it's something that I want to do, not other people
My family rocks
My friends are awesome
I look forward to going to work everyday
I have moved on!

Teaching: My True Profession

Through out my life, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. I remember way back when I was in middle school, I told all my friends and family that I was going to grow up and be a teacher, just like my uncle. At the time I knew little about teaching in general but I just had this strange feeling that I would be good at it. I loved working with little kids; interacting with them, playing games and doing hands activities. I figured since I could do all the things, teaching would be easy, right? After all, there is not much to do when it comes to teaching, as long as the children are having fun, that is all that matters. This was the mentality I use to have when it came to being a teacher. I was proved wrong once I actually started college and put in a classroom and then all of a sudden I had to come up with engaging but educational plans that are developmentally appropriate. I started thinking, “what did I get myself into?” But then I remember back when I was a junior in high school. The day when I found the real reason why I wanted to be a teacher, the day that changed my life forever.
It was not always easy growing up in my household. Being the oldest, I had to help my parents with my younger brother and sisters, which meant I was learning how to change diapers at the age of ten. By the time I was 16, I was like a 2nd mom to my youngest sister. So what does this have to do with teaching? Well, the fact that I enjoyed taking care of my younger siblings shows that I love being with kids. They bring me such joy that I could be having the worst day of my life, and I could watch a three year old bounce a ball, attempting to catch it, over and over again, and I become the happiest person in the world. The fact that kids bring me such joy, shows that I have a good quality in becoming a teacher. In order to become a teacher, you have to like being around kids, because you are around them for a good six hours of the day, five days a week. If you do not like kids, then those six hours will be total hell, you will probably be bald from pulling your hair out from frustration. I can be around kids all day, and enjoy every minute of it
So what is the real reason why I want to be a teacher? Honestly I didn’t know the answer to that until my junior year of high school, the day I was put into a classroom for a job shadow. The teacher in the classroom told me that she wanted me to work with a particular child that didn’t know how to read. So I grabbed the child, along with some books and went out into the hallway so it was just me and him. I started off by asking him which book he wanted me to read first. He shrugged his shoulders not really interested, so I picked an easy reader book asking him if he wanted to read it. He told me that he didn’t know how to read, so I replied back, “well how about I read it first, and then you can try reading it while I help you?” He agreed and I started reading it out load, while pointing to every word I was saying. After I was done, it was his turn to read and surprisingly enough he actually started to read every single word correctly, pointing to the words as he was reading. After he was done I simple said to him, “you just read a book all by yourself. Good job!” The boy smiled the biggest the smile I had ever seen, beaming from ear to ear. At that moment, I soon realized why I wanted to become a teacher. The fact that I was able to take this boy aside, who did not know how to read, and then have him be able to read a book by himself, was the greatest feeling in the world. I felt not only proud of him, but proud of myself that I taught a kid something and made a difference in his life. From that day on, I knew that teaching was my calling, and that I had made the right decision in becoming a teacher.
I soon learned that teaching is not as easy it looks. There are specific goals that need to be set and lesson plans to write that seem to take hours to do. Yes, the work may be a little overwhelming at time, but in the end it is totally worth it. You as a teacher make a difference in a child’s life, rather it be teaching them to read, or how to write their name. Whatever it may be, the rewards always override the costs. Do not get me wrong, I still struggle trying to come up with the perfect lesson, but I always try and stay optimistic about it. You really need to have a passion for teaching, because if you do not, you will be unhappy in life.

You dont just stop loving someone. Either you never did or you always will

Well the day finally came where I found out what has been going through John's head and everything finally makes sense. It may have been painful to hear what he had to say, but I feel that it's good for me to hear it. As much as I feel stupid for not figuring it out sooner, I also feel that a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Even if me and John don't plan on getting back together, I feel better knowing the reason behind everything. I think that if there anything that I have learned from all this, is how much I love and care about John. Even during the times that I hated him, I still loved him; Even after everything that has happened.

I guess that's just the kind of person I am. I was raised to always be a good person and no matter how much pain that person has caused me, I can never wish that same pain onto that person. I see the good in everyone. Even the cruel, heartless, selfish people. This probably explains why I have such a hard letting go of people. It's not because that I am not a strong person, I just am the type of person not to give up on someone, which is why I stuck with John for as long as I did.

The conclusion to the night ended in John saying, "I've f***ed up big time. And I don't blame you for never talking to me again." I don't really trust him, but the only reason why I was able to believe anything he had to say to me was because he was really broken up about it. I can't really say what's going to happen from here on out. He is in a relationship with the person he's been trying to get for the past year and now... he is absolutely miserable. Me and everyone else tried to tell him that he would hate it, but some people learn the hard the way. They need to experience it themselves in order to truly know what they want. And now that he is in this new relationship with someone else he realized that what we had was special and never knew how much he took things for granted.

I want to say that I'm sorry that things aren't working out between him and Darcy, because all I could ever want is for him to be happy, but at the same time when I hear how miserable he is, I can't help but smile and think to myself, "It serves you right asshole." I don't know what's going to happen between me and John, I just know that if he EVER wants to try and get back together me, he is going to have to work for it; big time. He knows that he will have cut Darcy out of his life for good, changing his phone number, email address and never communicate with her again. If this is something that he is willing to do for me, then I can see a sign of hope for us.