Life with twins: 2 months

It's hard to believe that these sweet girls are two months old already. I meant to take a picture while they were in matching outfits but it just got too late so I took their picture the next day and then of course forgot to put them in matching outfits. Oops. Well either way, these growing girls certainly have stolen my heart. Comparing them to their one month photo they sure have changed a lot....

One month ago!

Anyway, life with twins definitely keeps me busy. I feel like a walking zombie at times. Sleep deprived and can't think straight. They both still like to sleep a lot although they have been staying been having more wakeful times during the day. They are getting stronger at holding their heads up and have just recently started smiling back at you! Of course the first time Tayla smiled at someone was their aunt Bailee. I swear she is like the baby whisperer or something. They try so hard to make cute little cooing noises. It's fun watching their little mouths move around until a little squeak comes out. Of course when it comes to sleeping they are completely different. Tayla is a great sleeper! She will wake up to eat, we wrap her back and then is pretty good about putting herself like sleep. Ivy however likes to wiggle, and grunt to keep herself awake. She also goes to sleep better if the room is dark, where as Tayla doesn't like it completely dark. Usually I have to hold Ivy for quite sometime before she falls asleep and I have to make sure she is completely asleep before putting her down otherwise she wakes back up. There are times when she's awake for a good 2 hours between feedings where she wiggles and grunts the entire time. Despite my best efforts to get her to sleep, I'm usually just so exhausted I end up falling asleep myself. She's not crying so it's not going to hurt anything if she lays there awake right? I like to compare Tayla to myself. A girl who like to her sleep and will sleep anywhere if tired enough. According to my mom I was same way ever since I was a baby. Ivy is just like her dad. She would rather stay awake until the very end rather then sleep, which of course is how Ty is, who would rather stay up because sleeping is a waste of time lol.

When it comes to eating that's a whole other issue in it's self. Breastfeeding is becoming far more difficult then it's worth. I mean they've been on bottles since they were born because of them being preemies so I'm assuming that has something to do with it. Once I started transitioning to the breast it was painful. So painful that it actually damaged my nipples. I assumed it was their latch. I knew Tayla would have a shallow latch because of her extreme tongue tie. (see below picture) It was so bad that she couldn't even stick her tongue out so I had no doubt she would have trouble breastfeeding.

When Ivy was in the NICU she needed a feeding tube so she's had trouble eating to begin with. But now that Tayla's tongue tie is fixed and Ivy has no problems eating I wanted to try breastfeeding again. When I did, it took 30 minutes to eat, even with using a nipple shield. The pain was still there but I wanted to keep trying. After a couple of weeks they regressed. Now all they wont really latch on and will just lay they there screaming on the breast. They get so frustrated, and since I know they they are hungry I give them a bottle. Personally I feel that giving them a bottle is easier anyway because then I can feed at the same time. I still continue to pump but now I feel my milk supply has decreased and we've had to give them formula a couple of times. I know that breast milk is so good for my babies but the pumping every 3 hours is becoming quite exhausting. And it kills me knowing that I my milk is decreasing. And I mean that in sense that I've cried many time over this. It makes me feel like a failure thinking my body can't provide food for my babies. And before any of you try to give me tips, or tell me, "your milk shouldn't be decreasing" or "your body produces just the right amount of milk your babies need" or "you shouldn't need to give them formula" blah, blah.... trust me I've heard it all and frankly I'm tired of it because all it does is make me feel worse. So keep your "advise" to yourself. I'm doing the best I can with two babies and in the end I'm going to do what's best for me and my babies. With that being said, I'm going to continue pumping for as long as I can

Overall motherhood is amazing. These girls definitely keep my busy. I've always been a person who enjoys their sleep and require 8 hours a night. And although I knew that wouldn't happen when I become a parent, you would think my body would get use to the lack of sleep. I look forward to see what the next month will bring