After some thinking and sleeping on it, I've come to the conclusion that things aren't all bad. The fact that I was given the news of my schedule changing at such short notice without discussing it with me, was a big shock to me. I didn't know what to think and I got upset thinking that I did something wrong that caused me to lose my classroom. It's hard to accept change at first, but you must try and look at the positive side of things. Yes I may be changing classrooms but I'm not leaving Little Beavers. I still get to work with kids, something I love doing. And I still get to work with the same wonderful group of people.
The only big differences that seems to be happening are the age group of the kids. I get to work with the babies, which means changing diapers, nap time and crying, but I get to play and cuddle them all day long. When holding a baby it's like instant happiness. Aside from the messiness and tears, overall it should be fun. The other big thing that is is happening is that I have to be at work at 8:30 now. Yeah it's earlier but that means I get off work earlier. I really don't mind the mornings, but after being on a set schedule of coming in later, it may take some getting use to.
There are other things that come to mind when thinking about this change. I should be grateful that I still do have a job. There are plenty of people in this world today what would love to be in my position and have some sort of job; even taking care of kids all day. Yeah, it's not what I was originally hired to do. It's not what I planned to do after going to college for 5 years, but I'm willing to take to what I can get. I will be working more hours, which means my salary will go up.
And as far as the insurance thing goes, well I will figure something out. I'm just happy that I have some sort of insurance because there are lots of people out there that don't have insurance at all. I still have the medical insurance, which is what I need the most, and if anything I can get medical insurance through work, that is completely payed for by Little Beavers.
Life is still good, I still get to work with kids everyday. I'm still happy about my job, and I still love my life. Money doesn't buy happiness, happiness comes from doing what you enjoy doing. And in the end, that's all you could ever ask for
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
And just when you thought you had it all...
Within the past week I was given some news that has put some major stress on me. I just recently learned that I'm going to be losing my dental and vision insurance starting in January. Luckily I still have my medical benefits for another year, but it still means that I have two months to take care of all my dental stuff: Getting my wisdom teeth removed and orthodontics. I need to stalk on contacts and hope that my vision doesn't get any worse. And because I work full time I need to somehow find time to fit my appointments in before I go to work. Luckily I don't have to be at work until 10:45...
Well that was my plan, until I found out today at work that starting on Monday I'm going to be working at 8:30. Makes it a little harder to fit appointments in. I will also be working in a different classroom, which means a different group of kids and different environment. I was told it will only be temporary, but it's still a lot to take in at the moment. As hard as it is for me to think to myself about not working in my usual environment, at the same time I do feel honored in being asked to step in during our time of crisis at work, knowing that it's hard to find "state regulated" qualified infant toddler teacher.
Trying to stay positive about everything. I'm going to need it the next few months
Well that was my plan, until I found out today at work that starting on Monday I'm going to be working at 8:30. Makes it a little harder to fit appointments in. I will also be working in a different classroom, which means a different group of kids and different environment. I was told it will only be temporary, but it's still a lot to take in at the moment. As hard as it is for me to think to myself about not working in my usual environment, at the same time I do feel honored in being asked to step in during our time of crisis at work, knowing that it's hard to find "state regulated" qualified infant toddler teacher.
Trying to stay positive about everything. I'm going to need it the next few months
Friday, October 8, 2010
The "L" word
Do you believe in love at first site? I'd like to say that I don't, but it's so hard not to when you feel that everything in your relationship is going so perfectly. You have so much in common and enjoy doing the same things. It's someone you can have fun with and be yourself. They do nice things for you without a guilt trip, and are kind and treat with the respect that you deserve.
It's been 3 months since I've started this new relationship and I can proudly say that I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. I can't complain about anything wrong with my relationship. There is a logically explanation to this: the honeymoon phase. Now that the 3 month time period has passed, my feelings for Tyrel feel stronger then ever. A time where you kinda sorta "like" someone and the like word turns into something else. A 4 letter word that people dread saying, because once you say it, there is no turning back.
Of course there is something else that happens once the initial honeymoon phase starts to wear off. You then start to notice the other persons flaws. Once the flaws become noticeable, it's up to you to decide whether or not you not to deal with them, or leave the person. I for one have noticed a few things I don't like, but I'm willing to take a risk and am curious to know where this relationship will lead to.
It's been 3 months since I've started this new relationship and I can proudly say that I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. I can't complain about anything wrong with my relationship. There is a logically explanation to this: the honeymoon phase. Now that the 3 month time period has passed, my feelings for Tyrel feel stronger then ever. A time where you kinda sorta "like" someone and the like word turns into something else. A 4 letter word that people dread saying, because once you say it, there is no turning back.
Of course there is something else that happens once the initial honeymoon phase starts to wear off. You then start to notice the other persons flaws. Once the flaws become noticeable, it's up to you to decide whether or not you not to deal with them, or leave the person. I for one have noticed a few things I don't like, but I'm willing to take a risk and am curious to know where this relationship will lead to.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Life lesson
It was the beginning of my senior year when I announced that I would have a new boy in my life. The warning signs were there that this wasn't a good choice but I went through the decision anyway. I started loosing friendships, I cut back on my social life, my relationship with my family was destroyed, but I was still determined to make things work. I graduate from high school, my senior year of hell was over and I start college. I move away from home with high hopes of succeeding, but long distance relationships never work out and do nothing but cause you pain and anxiety.
Another year goes by and I move back to my parents house. My past friendships are nothing but a distant memory. With a sense of frustration, I continue on with the path I chose and decide that it was for the best to stick with this "wonderful" boy who influenced me so much. The next thing to do is to move in together, into a place that I can't afford and am left on my own to pay for stuff. I don't realize that I'm on a path of destruction and instead ignore the fact that I'm by myself in this downward slope. Things get worse between me and him and in every effort to make things work, I isolate myself even more. I make excuses for things completely unreasonable and put the blame on myself. I give all I have left into the relationship, only to find out I'm pushing him away.
I should have seen the next thing coming- the breakup, move out and the "what the hell do I do now" feeling. It's during times like these you find out who your real friends are; who really cares about you. And even if they don't agree with everything you do, they still support you. They are still there for you when you need them. The shoulder to cry on, the advise giver, the listener. They agree with you, even if they don't want to, and laugh with you and tell you "I told you so" once you've discovered your mistake. They help you look at both sides of the story- good and bad and tell you things you don't want to hear. They have and always will love you.
Love... It's amazing that one little word can change the meaning of your life. Love can control your life and makes you do stupid things. Things you can't really explain and don't make sense to you, but you do them anyway. It consumes you and feel that this is how it should be, no matter what. It isn't until after that you realize just how life changing one little word can bring. And even after all that has happened, you still feel you can bring yourself to "love" again. Only this time, you hope to do things right.
Another year goes by and I move back to my parents house. My past friendships are nothing but a distant memory. With a sense of frustration, I continue on with the path I chose and decide that it was for the best to stick with this "wonderful" boy who influenced me so much. The next thing to do is to move in together, into a place that I can't afford and am left on my own to pay for stuff. I don't realize that I'm on a path of destruction and instead ignore the fact that I'm by myself in this downward slope. Things get worse between me and him and in every effort to make things work, I isolate myself even more. I make excuses for things completely unreasonable and put the blame on myself. I give all I have left into the relationship, only to find out I'm pushing him away.
I should have seen the next thing coming- the breakup, move out and the "what the hell do I do now" feeling. It's during times like these you find out who your real friends are; who really cares about you. And even if they don't agree with everything you do, they still support you. They are still there for you when you need them. The shoulder to cry on, the advise giver, the listener. They agree with you, even if they don't want to, and laugh with you and tell you "I told you so" once you've discovered your mistake. They help you look at both sides of the story- good and bad and tell you things you don't want to hear. They have and always will love you.
Love... It's amazing that one little word can change the meaning of your life. Love can control your life and makes you do stupid things. Things you can't really explain and don't make sense to you, but you do them anyway. It consumes you and feel that this is how it should be, no matter what. It isn't until after that you realize just how life changing one little word can bring. And even after all that has happened, you still feel you can bring yourself to "love" again. Only this time, you hope to do things right.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
What is love?
I can honestly say that I love my life. I'm happy and wake up with a smile on my face everyday. I am with someone that makes me happy and is kind to me and takes care of me. I could go on all day listing all the things Tyrel has done that makes him so awesome but instead I will list 2 specific events in which made me wonder what the hell I was doing with such an asshole for 5 years.
Case 1:
I was leaving for vacation on the day it was time to pick up my paycheck. I needed the money before I left otherwise I wasn't going to be able to pay for my bills, but my check wasn't ready by the time I left. Because I was gone Tyrel took the time to go pick up my paycheck, go to the bank, and deposit it into my bank account. Without him, my bills and rent would have not have been paid on time. John would have never done that for me, or if he did there would have been a guilt trip involved.
Case 2:
There weren't very many times where John would do something nice for me without me saying anything, or asking for it. Me and Tyrel were riding in the car and then all of a sudden Tyrel pulls over to the side of the road, gets out of the car and says "I'll be right back." He runs across the street, bends over and picks up a flower. He brings it back and gives it to me saying that he thought I would like it. It was the nicest thing anyone has done for me. It was very sweet and I about cried.
There are other things he has done that show me that he is a good person and right for me, but those are the two that really stick out. He helps me remember to take me pills rather then give me grief for taking them, he comforts me when I need comfort, he is the sweetest and nicest guy I have ever met. I am so happy being with him and I think I'm falling for him
Case 1:
I was leaving for vacation on the day it was time to pick up my paycheck. I needed the money before I left otherwise I wasn't going to be able to pay for my bills, but my check wasn't ready by the time I left. Because I was gone Tyrel took the time to go pick up my paycheck, go to the bank, and deposit it into my bank account. Without him, my bills and rent would have not have been paid on time. John would have never done that for me, or if he did there would have been a guilt trip involved.
Case 2:
There weren't very many times where John would do something nice for me without me saying anything, or asking for it. Me and Tyrel were riding in the car and then all of a sudden Tyrel pulls over to the side of the road, gets out of the car and says "I'll be right back." He runs across the street, bends over and picks up a flower. He brings it back and gives it to me saying that he thought I would like it. It was the nicest thing anyone has done for me. It was very sweet and I about cried.
There are other things he has done that show me that he is a good person and right for me, but those are the two that really stick out. He helps me remember to take me pills rather then give me grief for taking them, he comforts me when I need comfort, he is the sweetest and nicest guy I have ever met. I am so happy being with him and I think I'm falling for him
Sunday, July 25, 2010
I'm on top of the world
It’s been a month since I’ve started dating Tyrel, and every day I become happier and spend less time thinking about John. I think back to where I was 6 weeks ago, a time when I was left on the back burner, unknown about the outcome of my future. How I spent many nights crying, waiting for a phone call that never came and feelings of being unloved. Finally something snapped, and my fuse of patience ran out. I finally decided that enough was enough.
Since I’m started my new relationship, I look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking. Me and John are two different people with completely different personalities. The fact that I was able to put up with him for 5 years amazes me. And I don’t understand why I gave him so many opportunities and chances to get back together with me. But now, even if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I still wouldn’t want to get back together with him. I loved John but he broke my heart. Now it’s healed and I look back at the type of person he really is. I think about the arguments we had and the stupidest things he would get mad at me for and how he treated me. Sure it didn’t happen all the time, but I would say 40% of the time he was an asshole to me. I always said that I was happy being with John, but was I really happy or “brainwashed” into thinking that I was happy? I may never know the answer to that, but all I do know is that I’m VERY happy being in my current relationship.
Being in my current relationship I finally feel free to do the things that I enjoy doing. And aside from our different taste in music, we seem to have everything else in common- types of food we eat, activities and hobbies. I’ve been doing things that I normally didn’t get to do when I was dating John. I have someone who treats me like a human being and with respect. Someone to hold and call me beautiful. I think one of my favorite things about Tyrel, is how random and spontaneous he is. We could wake up and not have any plans and I will tell him, “Well I feel like doing this today,” and we will go and do it, no questions asked!
John is nothing but a distant memory to me now. And although we are broken up, I still think about the happy memories we shared together. I only hope that he has learned his lesson and doesn’t make the same mistakes so that he can be happy once again.
Since I’m started my new relationship, I look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking. Me and John are two different people with completely different personalities. The fact that I was able to put up with him for 5 years amazes me. And I don’t understand why I gave him so many opportunities and chances to get back together with me. But now, even if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I still wouldn’t want to get back together with him. I loved John but he broke my heart. Now it’s healed and I look back at the type of person he really is. I think about the arguments we had and the stupidest things he would get mad at me for and how he treated me. Sure it didn’t happen all the time, but I would say 40% of the time he was an asshole to me. I always said that I was happy being with John, but was I really happy or “brainwashed” into thinking that I was happy? I may never know the answer to that, but all I do know is that I’m VERY happy being in my current relationship.
Being in my current relationship I finally feel free to do the things that I enjoy doing. And aside from our different taste in music, we seem to have everything else in common- types of food we eat, activities and hobbies. I’ve been doing things that I normally didn’t get to do when I was dating John. I have someone who treats me like a human being and with respect. Someone to hold and call me beautiful. I think one of my favorite things about Tyrel, is how random and spontaneous he is. We could wake up and not have any plans and I will tell him, “Well I feel like doing this today,” and we will go and do it, no questions asked!
John is nothing but a distant memory to me now. And although we are broken up, I still think about the happy memories we shared together. I only hope that he has learned his lesson and doesn’t make the same mistakes so that he can be happy once again.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Why I love my life
I love the way I'm happy once again
I feel that I am myself
I have started a new chapter in my life- new job, new beginning, new boy
I've forgotten the past and started thinking about a better future
I cherish the good memories but forget about the bad ones
I feel on top of the world
I'm finally listening to my heart
I do the things I love to do
I'm not criticized for what I like/do
I've become a stronger person
I've become more independent
I am doing this because it's something that I want to do, not other people
My family rocks
My friends are awesome
I look forward to going to work everyday
I have moved on!
I feel that I am myself
I have started a new chapter in my life- new job, new beginning, new boy
I've forgotten the past and started thinking about a better future
I cherish the good memories but forget about the bad ones
I feel on top of the world
I'm finally listening to my heart
I do the things I love to do
I'm not criticized for what I like/do
I've become a stronger person
I've become more independent
I am doing this because it's something that I want to do, not other people
My family rocks
My friends are awesome
I look forward to going to work everyday
I have moved on!
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