It ain't fair you died too young. Like a story that had just begun

As I'm driving South on highway 99, coming home from a short beach trip with the family, I made a quick pit stop just 5 miles short of Monmouth at mile marker 67; The location of the Micheal's accident. As I'm passing Monmouth, my heart rate starting to race. I felt sick to my stomach and almost nervous as I approached the crash site. I reached the spot and pulled over. I admire the memorial Michael's mom had put there just earlier that week and took a few pictures. I then look down the hill; the hill, where the car slide down and crashed at the bottom. I stood there, and the tears started rolling. Pieces of the car was still scattered everywhere, the field where the car had landed was still messed up. The tire treads were still very visible that led from the road, all the way down the hill. I started having visions, as if I was there at the site, when the accident happened. In between the sobs, I kept asking myself, "Why?"

That's when more questions came to my head. "What was the driver doing that caused him to just drive off the road? Did he fall asleep?" There were no other cars involved in the accident. The roads were clear, no ice, rain, snow or fog. The driver said he had looked down at his phone for about a second just before he crashed, but had he been texting while he was driving? How did the driver just get up and walk away from the accident with no injuries? Why did Michael have to die? Would Michael had lived if he had been driving??

My questions of course remain unanswered. I may never know what caused the accident. The driver was cited for reckless driving, so that right there tells me that something happened. Something the driver doesn't want to say. It makes me angry, but who knows maybe later on he will admit to his mistake. I know that it wont bring Michael back, but it would make me feel better knowing what happened and that the driver suffers the consequences of what he caused.

I hope everyone has a happy New Year. It will be weird for me to start the new year without my best friend. Things just aren't the same without him. Take care Michael and may your memories live on forever.

Merry Christmas to me

It's been a month since our goodbye. Still can't believe you are gone.
I check my phone, expecting a phone call or text message from you, only to be disappointed.
I think about you all the time more then I thought I would. I miss you. I want you back. I need you. Things aren't the same without you. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss your jokes. But most of all I miss your friendship.

I know goodbye is not forever. I know that someday we will see eachother again. But Michael please know, I'm waiting for the day where we will meet again. Merry Christmas

Week 1- success!

When I first started doing weight watchers, I wasn't quite sure what to think of it. It's hard keeping track of all the points and planning meals so you don't go over. Not to mention that I'm usually still hungry after eating my meals. I was definitely struggling. I mean loosing weight isn't easy, so I knew that it was going to be hard, but within the first week? It didn't seem fair whenever I see people eating foods that I love and know that I couldn't eat it. Especially when it comes to sweets!

I didn't feel different about myself. I still felt fat and glare at the nasty stretch marks on my stomach. I wasn't expect these types of results so quickly. But when I stepped on the scale this morning, and saw my weight being 5 pounds lower then last week, I know that this will be worth it. Something that I can continue doing to get the results that I want. I know that I have a long road ahead of me, but in the end I know that it will be worth it.

Still can't believe you are gone

I went over to a friends house the other night. A friend that has just recently passed away. Good food was provided (as always), lots of memories and stories were shared, and a few tears were shed. There was a lot of people at the house and it was strange at first to see so many people. I kept thinking to myself that Michael was going to show up, expecting him to drive up in his car. I had to keep reminding myself that he is gone... And isn't coming back.

But even after telling myself that my dear friend is gone I would wonder around the house. Then I decided to go to his bedroom. I did really good about holding back the tears through out the night but as soon as I entered his bedroom the water works started going. His room looked the same, his stuff was left where it was suppose to be, the only thing missing was Michael. I looked around and sobbed as I looked through old pictures. Lots of memories filled my head. I sat in his room for quite sometime, until I couldn't cry anymore.

The night ended with me taking home something of Michael's so that I can keep it with me at all times. It's still hard to think about Michael being gone without crying. It's going to take quite some time to get passed this but with the love and support I get from my family and friends I know things will get easier.

Weight watchers: Postpone

Due to recent events the weight watchers program I started awhile was postponed. It was under too much stress to plan out meals and keep up with the program. Now that things have calmed down I plan on re-starting the program come Monday.

"If at first you don't succeed, try and try again."

Yeah I know old and cheesy, but it's true

In memory of Joseph Michael Pablo Jr.

"Life is precious. Love is eternal. Death is merely a door separating where we are from where we are going"

I first met Michael in the 8^th grade when we were students at Highland View Middle School, in Corvallis.  Even though, he moved away in high school, we have stayed in touch and remained friends.  I know that Michael would thank you all for being here today and supporting his family and friends. 

Michael was a very kind and loving person.  He was like a brother to me.  Michael’s family and friends had the pleasure and joy of his presence in their lives for 24 years During that short time, he touched many hearts with that slow smile, that quiet demeanor, that twinkle in his eyes.  Everyone who knew Michael knew he was always there to help and support you, a good son, brother and a solid friend.  You couldn’t ask for more than that. 

I feel in my heart that Michael has taken his place with God’s angels.  His time here on earth was lived to the fullest.  Right now, it is hard for us to comprehend the loss that we are feeling after his passing.  With the passing of time, the pain of his loss will lessen, but the memories that we have of Michael will remain strong in our hearts and we will never forget him.

I'd like to dedicate the following poem to him

----Love Lives On by Amanda Bradley

Those we love

Are never really lost to us—

We feel them

In so many special ways—

Through friends

They always cared about

And dreams they left behind,

In beauty that they added to our days…

In words of wisdom,

We still carry with us

And memories that never will be gone….

Those we love

Are never really lost to us---

For everywhere their special love

Lives on.

A Thanksgiving I will always remember, but hopefully never repeat

This Thanksgiving was definitely an interesting one. It went by fast and the next thing you know it was time to go back to work. But this year was different for me. While most people woke up Thursday morning to get ready for their feast of turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy with many loved ones gathered around the table, I woke up early to say goodbye to a very good friend of mine.

It was just the morning before when my best friend, Michael Pablo, was in a bad car accident when the car he was riding in ran off the road, struck a tree, and rolled several times before landing upside down. He was transferred to the hospital where he suffered major brain damage. Things didn't get better, for he was declared brain dead the next morning. Not really the best way to start your Thanksgiving holidays, or any day really, but I went about my regular festivities.

Death is scary thing, especially when it's so unexpected. It's so unknown to us living and healthy people. It's hard to except and at first I didn't want to believe it. I kept thinking to myself, "am I dreaming?" And then once the shock wore off, my mind filled with questions. Why did it happen? Why him? Why did it have to be near Thanksgiving? How does someone just drive off the road? Why did he have to die?

I will never know exactly what happened that Wednesday on the morning of November 24th. All I know is that I'm going to miss Michael so much. He was my best friend. Someone who was always there for me. He will be greatly missed, but his memories will live on forever. Rest in peace Joseph Michael Pablo Jr. I will always remember you